A cracked vase 

Our soul has a crack and sounds, once you can reach it, like a precious broken vase long lost within the depths of the earth.

V.Kandinsky in “Du spirituel dans l’art, et dans la peinture en particulier “,1912

In 2016 I missed to pass away after a massive bilateral lung embolism. An experience that profoundly changed my view of life and of all the things that seemed essential to me.

In fact as I am writing this I have been out of work for more than 3 months now as a result of the effect of it on my mind. All those things that seemed so important before my experience suddenly lost their importance. Even my job as a family doctor looks fake and absurd to me now. What good can it be to take care of sneezing, coughing and joint aches while humanity is facing overpopulation, climate changes and an ecological disaster ? At first I tried to hang on, to do my job and my duty. But after one year of effort the conflict between the absurdity of working 80 hours a week to pay the bills for things I really don’t need on one side and my mind searching desperately for meanings on the other side resulted in a complete breakdown. On my hospital bed in the emergency room that day I decided to change my way of dealing with my life.

After weeks of intense brainstorming I finally came to the conclusion that the only meaningful way to spend the rest of my time on this planet would be to start my life over at the point I left it in 1981 when I decided to become a doctor. Before that my dream was to become a painter. And it occurs to me now that humanity is more in need of painters than of physicians these days. 

So I bought some pencils and brushes and went back to drawing and painting. 

This blog is all about my struggle to become that painter. And of course about looking for meaningful living listening to that cracked vase of my soul.

It’s all about existing before the final curtain comes down



4 thoughts on “A cracked vase 

  1. A beautiful painting. As someone who has suffered from acute anxiety – albeit during the first 40 years of my life (I am now 71) and as someone who constantly questions the madness of our world today , I understand where you are coming from. When I was 40 I experienced a massive turning point. Although from the outside looking in…my life looked wonderful – two beautiful children, husband, homes, etc….I was dying inside. I ended up in hospital. I let go of it all…and lived and worked in my then Philadelphia studio for one year which was a great space but had no heat and running water! That was my turning point. I made the decision to be myself from that point on….no more playing societies silly games. Today, I have wonderful relationships with my children and for that matter my ex husband….I live a simple life, but a very rich life – my needs are met. Painting is like breathing for me…and Mother Nature is a constant source of healing. I do think speaking to others, especially creatives, who have experienced similar circumstances helps. Keep painting…stay close to Mother Nature and continue to talk about how you feel…….Janet

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this comment. I really appreciate your support. It so good to see that other people managed to pass this kind of path. I too feel as if I was in such a turning point in my life.
      Thanks for your kindness

      Liked by 1 person

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