Meditation and art

  

This is where I used to meditate. A beautiful quiet place. During the summer I opened the large window and could hear the birds and the crickets sing. 

I have not been able to meditate for almost 5 months. How come ? Well meditating is turning your mind towards the inside without judging what you find and accepting them the way they are rather than pretending to see things the way they “should be”. In my case I saw cargo ship loads of emotions. Feelings I had put aside for so long, childhood dreams I hardly remembered until then and little by little a question came up : are you happy ? And it came up with a force and a violence I never would have imagined. So heavily that It ended up with a complete breakdown right in my office before my secretary because I knew the answer. No I was not happy.

Since that moment I have quit my job. I see a therapist every 2 weeks or so and I truly try to reconnect with my real values. I struggle every day in the attempt of getting rid of these layers of fake values I put on over the last 50 years or so. Social status, polite lies, 14 hour workdays to pay things I don’t need, pretending. It’s not easy and there’s always the risk of surrendering and returning to business as usual. I know that if I decide to continue this new road it will take time but I also sense that what happened 5 months ago can only mean one thing : I don’t have a choice.

So I paint and I try to become a gardener. And I try to do so without applying the old schemes of being successful, without the eagerness of high performance or the search of outstanding results. And it’s tough.  

This is a still life I painted a few days ago. I did it fast and spontaneously.


Then the old scheme of ” I can do better than that ” came in and this is what happened.


You’re right it’s more realistic but what happened to the emotions floating in the first painting ? They got washed out by reason. The first one speaks to my inner self the second one just leaves me frustrated : ” I can do better than that …”

It’ll take years I guess before I’ll be able to honestly express things through painting because I cling so much to those high performance schemes …

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5 thoughts on “Meditation and art

  1. Wifey always tells me never to look back. Focus on now. The past is your past. You can’t change it. Let it go my friend or it will haunt you. Live for the moment and celebrate the beauty of today! You have given yourself a new beginning, which is such a beautiful gift. Embrace that and allow yourself to be happy! 💚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Roda. I don’t really look back and since my future is from now on vanished in thick fog the only choice I have is to focus on the present. And I’m ok with that. There are so many things I rediscover now : my wife whose love is more essential than oxygen to me, my 2 kids, the wonderful nature surrounding our place. Mimi our second cat who became part of our family in January and follows me wherever I go like a dog. Chanel our first cat who jumps on my lap every day asking for a long session of caressing.
      I take the time to intensely live instant after instant the beauty of the sunrise, the colours that surround me.
      But all this is fragile. It’ll take time before I can say I won the battle against the toxic elements of my life.
      But I’m confident.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can say, I understand a bit of the stresses of your past. Wifey is also a physician. The job is never ending. She loves what she does, but 6 years ago chose to work only 3 days/week. She needed balance in all aspects of her life. It was the best decision she ever made! She has time to give equally to all of her passions, both at work and home. Life is too short not to be happy in all areas of your life! You are on the right path!

        Liked by 1 person

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